Overwhelmed....

I never fully realized how hard and how overwhelming being a mother can be. Now that I have my own little girl, I look back and wonder how in the world not only my mom, but my friends and others do it.

Being the oldest daughter, I was "supposed" to be the 2nd mom, to help with the six siblings below me. During that time, I thought I did my fair share if not more. But now that I look back, I see a spoiled little brat who complained all the time when she had to care for her siblings. Here I am with only one child feeling so overwhelmed, and yet my mother had eight that she cared for and loved unconditionally. She taught me so much about how to care for a child, I'm so grateful for her example and for showing me how to be a good mother (although I have a LONG ways to go). And even though I don't know it all, I can always call her up and ask her anything, even the more silly and stupid no brainer things.

Over the past while I have been feeling so overwhelmed with taking care of Mady, not finding time to eat, clean, sleep and do homework. The idea of taking care of Mady while taking 4 hard classes during the summer has started to stress me out to the max. The past week has shown me a lot of how it will be like, seeing how Ray is gone all the time due to classes and work. I won't have him here to help me, I don't have anyone here to help me. This thought has been there like a pestering fly in my head. And yet, I'm wrong. Dead wrong.

I do have someone. I have someone who is constantly there waiting for me to open the door and let Him in to help me. I can't believe how I could have thought anything else. After this realization had occurred I have felt like a boulder has lifted from me. I can't say that my stress level is gone, nor can I say that I don't feel overwhelmed. My stress is still here and I'm still overwhelmed, but now I feel such peace about it. I feel like I can do it. I feel like as long as I give myself to the Lord, I can accomplish anything.

I feel like James E. Faust says it perfectly: "Some of you sisters may feel inadequate because you can't seem to do all you want to do. Motherhood and parenting are most challenging roles. May I suggest that you take your challenges one day at a time. Do the best you can. Look at everything through the lens of eternity. If you will do this, life will take on a different perspective."

That is exactly what I need to do. He says it so simply. During the past while, I have made sure that Ray and I read our scriptures each night together and say our prayers together. I have noticed such a difference then before when we would do it often, but missing a night here and there. I believe that by reading the scriptures, studying the Savior's life, trying to do as He would do, and praying for guidance, the Lord is shaping me into the woman and mother I was raised by. In the short 4 weeks of being a mother, these actions have improved my mothering skills and I have experienced a greater joy in being a mother as well. It is my belief that the key to any success that I experience as a mother is to live the way that the Lord would have me live.

Now mind you, I am not perfect. I still have so much to learn, so much to perfect and to improve. But I feel that I am progressing. And even though having my little girl is stressful and overwhelming, I feel so privileged that Heavenly Father entrusted her to me and Ray. She brings such a sweet spirit in the home, its when I want to be frustrated at something, I can't. She is teaching me so much, I hope that I will be able to raise her strong in the gospel and that she will stand strong through these challenging times. I will do the best I can and let God do the rest.

I found this quote by Elder Ballard that I love, I just thought I'd share it: "Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction."

Break Time

Wow today has been super crazy. Mady didn't sleep well last night, but she finally took a nap for two hours in which I was able to get some sleep in to carry me on through the rest of the day. She has been one fussy baby today. I must have eaten something. I find it ironic that throughout my pregnancy I couldn't eat everything I wanted nor as much as I wanted because it would make me sick. Now that I'm not pregnant and want to eat EVERYTHING and ANYTHING, it makes my baby's stomach upset which I have to deal with. Haha oh the joys in life.

The past few weeks have been challenging and yet wonderful. I really enjoy the time I spend with my daughter. Although somedays I go crazy being inside all day long, because its too cold to take Mady out. My favorite time of day is when Ray comes home. The first thing he does is kiss me then take Mady from me and somehow gets her to go to sleep. Then we enjoy each others company by doing homework together, eating, and watching a movie or an episode.

Today, I felt really guilty when Ray got home. He was two hours later than when he said he'd be home and Mady had been fussy all day. I wasn't able to get anything done. I couldn't wait for Ray to get home so I could give Mady to him and let him deal with her. But when he walked in the door all those thoughts vanished. I never stopped to think what he was doing for me and Mady. Everyday he spends 8 hours + at the school working, going to classes, and studying. And then he comes home to a (on such days as today) a messy house, a fussy baby, and a cranky wife. And yet he still shows how much he loves both of us despite how long of a day he's had. It was very humbling. He always shows me ways to better myself, even when he doesn't know it. God must love me more than ever to give me such a wonderful man to spend eternity with. Next time I have a day like today, I will be counting my blessings.

A few highlights since the last time I blogged:

Mady loves baths, just like her Mom. I can't wait till we move into our new apartment in a month. It has a bath tub! It'll be a lot easier to bathe Mady and I will enjoy it as well....ahhh pure bliss! I get so excited just thinking about it.



Mady also likes laying in front of our heater, also just like her Mom. She falls asleep on her blanket in front of it. The only problem is she wakes up a little bit after the heater turns off.

You can always tell when Mady is going poop. She has this face that is so adorable! Her face turns almost purple too from pushing so hard. Its hilarious. Here's some pictures of her "poop face":




Mady also has a blow out problem. Just the other day she had a huge blow out right before I was going to head out the door with her. It was leaking out of her carseat onto the floor that's how bad it was. My favorite day was when she had a blow out to start the day off (bath #1), then as soon as I get out of the shower, she throws up on me (bath #2), then when I take her out of the bath, she pees on me (bath #3), then after that bath she pees on the towel (I don't know how she generated that much pee in that short while). My we had such a fun day. But I think the best was when I needed some help with my calculus so I took her to the school with me to the tutor lab. She woke up and was content to just sitting on my lap, which should have been a hint. Well she had a blow out all over me. My shirt, undershirt, and garment top was saturated. I packed an extra outfit for her, but not for me (Now I know, better). One of the tutors who saw it all happen, came over to me and gave me her shirt to wear, since she had two on. I didn't even know her! Definitely a Godsent saint. Because of her, I didn't smell like pooh at my sister-in-laws bridal shower.

So I want to put in here that most of the stuff I write is for me to remember so I can embarrass my little girl when she's older. May I also add to why the fact my husband is so amazing....while blogging I burnt my cinnamon rolls (and yes I was watching the time, our oven cooks fast), so he went to the store to grab me some because I was really saddened over the fact that they were now garbage. He is too good for me. Love, love, love him!

Ok now my break is over and I must get off facebook and this blog and do the rest of my homework and eat some yummy cinnamon rolls. Here's some of my favorite pictures of my little girl. Enjoy!

She's here!

Madelynn Shay Martel was born Friday March 26th at 8:49 p.m. weighing 6 lbs. and 13 oz. and being 19 in. long. She was perfect! And she couldn't have come at a better time.



At four in the morning on Friday I woke up to some cramping; they weren't bad enough to keep me from sleeping, so I dismissed them and went back to bed. I woke back up at eight by more intense cramping that I couldn't sleep through. And by nine I had to get up and do something. Ray and I didn't think anything of the cramping. I personally thought they were the false cramping you always hear about. By eleven they had consistently gotten worse and more painful. I called my Mom, knowing she would overreact and think it was real labor, but seeing how I have no bath tub I needed some advice to at least ease the pain. My Mom, as expected, went off on how I needed to start timing them and what not. So to satisfy her I timed a few here and there. They started to get bad enough that I could bearly talk through them and I couldn't just lay in bed and get through them. I had to walk around. My Mom wanted constant updates on how I was doing.

When Ray got home at one, I told him how the pains had gotten worse and that my Mom thought I was in labor. He said that they weren't real contractions and they'd go away. Ray was a little perturbed that I hadn't deep cleaned the house as planned to get ready for my family who was coming in a few days. I had class at two and was hoping that the pain would calm down enough for me to go. We were having a quiz and I couldn't miss it. But the pains did not get better, they got harder to the point of me crying. I told Ray it felt like the pain I experienced when I was miscarrying, except this pain came from my back. That's when he knew that this could possibly be the real thing. He urged me to stay home from my class, but I insisted that I go at least to just pick up the quiz and to ask my other teacher if it would be ok to take my test another day. We then went to the Levitt Group to do some paper work for our housing. While we were talking to the secretary, my water broke (although I didn't know at the time). I went to the bathroom leaving Ray and the lady. After I cleaned up a bit, I went back out and said to Ray, "Either my water just broke or my mucus plug came out." On our way home, I called my Mom asking her what the difference was. She concluded that it definelty was my water and that I needed to go to the hospital, and that she'd round up the kids and drive down. I then looked and Ray and said, "Well, I guess this is it. Let home and grab the stuff." We got to the doctor's office and he checked to make sure it was my water. He then said to head on down to Labor and Delivery because I was already dilated to a 3.

By sixish, when I was dilated to a six, I couldn't stand the pain any longer and I got an epidural. And yes, if you were wondering, it does hurt. My friends Ada and Dion had come to show their support. They also brought pizza, which I was not allowed to have, even though I was starving. Some of my family showed up a bit later. The epidural helped a lot with the pain, but I still felt all the back labor. I was finally dilated to a 10 around 8:30. My Mom, Jonada, Kim, and Ray stayed and watched the birth. And at 8:49 Mady was born.

It was a long hard 9 months, but she was worth it. Its been quite the adjustment and it will take some getting used to, but I love the spirit that she brings into our home. My Mom stayed with us for a week, and the rest of my family went camping, showing up here and there to see Mady. Ray's family came at the end of the week to spend some time with us and to see their new grandbaby.

After going to the doctors, we found that Mady has gained the weight back that she lost at the hospital. She also had her first bath yesterday, which she loved. I decided that she hates sleeping. After nursing, most babies go right to sleep; but nope not Mady. She is wide awake. And the problem with this is that when she's awake, she thinks she's hungry. She's going to be such a chubster if she keeps this up. She also has a clingy problem. She does not like to be put down. She's happy as long as she has food and someone holding her. Hopefully she will grow out of this habit.

I absolutely love watching Ray with her. It always reminds me how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband and a healthy beautiful child. Ray is so sweet with her, I'm falling even more in love with him each day. He is so patient with us both as Mady still has yet to figure out that night time is sleeping time. And I being a woose and not wanting to get out of bed to go feed her in the other room. I love him so much.

My recovery is growing great. I can now fit back into my size 5 jeans - which is a major accomplishment not to mention a source of great happiness for me, since its been forever. I'm so happy to be a mother. I know it'll be overwhelming and even frustrating at times, but I'm excited to face whats ahead. Wish me luck, I'm sure I'll need it.