Why I do it....

Ever since I gave birth to Madelynn, I have been bombarded with the questions, "How do you do it? How do you go to school and have a kid?" or "Why do you do it? I'd rather stay home with my child." I'm pretty sure I've heard every variation of these two questions. And most of the time my response is "I don't know." or "I just need to." I would tell them my real reasoning for spending time away from my daughter, handing her off to my sister or Ray while I go to class or study groups, or having to choose studying over playing with her. But in a way its a personal and long explanation.

At first I didn't want to continue my education. I was fine with getting my associates and being done; especially since I was pregnant. But when Mady came, my whole perspective changed. Holding this newly child of God, sent from His presence brought upon me a protectiveness and motherly instinct that was so overwhelming. I thought back on my life and the mistakes I had made and the hell I put my parents through while in my "wild" days. I thought about everything Satan is doing to lead astray the younger generation. I thought of how easy it will be for my children to stumble of the Lord's path. And I was scared. It might have been my left over pregnancy hormones, but there was a time just after Mady was born, that I would just cry and cry. I felt so inadequate. I felt as though I shouldn't have been chosen with such a big responsibility. I felt sick that my child that the Lord had entrusted to me would have to grow up in such a wicked world. And that it was upon my shoulders to teach her the Gospel and hope that she will be obedient to the teachings of the Gospel. It was then that I decided that I would do all in my power to make sure that my children would be shielded from the onslaught of the world. That they would be able to stand against Satan and not be tempted. That they will be beacon's of light to others and stand as witness of God.

The reason I chose accounting as my major is because it is a job I can do at home. Whether its doing taxes, consulting, or book keeping, if I work hard enough I will be able to do all my work from home. I know I may sound cliche when I say that I want a big house with all the nice accessories and a lot of money. But my reasoning's may be different than others. The reason I want a big house is so that when my kids want to play with their friends and have parties, they will choose my house to do it at because it has all the nice things that kids want. I want to know who my children are hanging out with, who they like, what their doing. I want to be able to check on them and make sure nothing is going on that shouldn't. I want a lot of money so that my kids won't have to choose which musical talent they want to do, or which sport they must play, or which elective class to take. I want them to be able to develop all their talents. Growing up my siblings and I had to choose if it was going to be dance or sports, violin or piano, AP classes or yearbook class.

I'm not trying to say that I want to spoil my kids rotten. Oh no, their going to get jobs and work for the things they want. But I want to make sure they develop all the talents and always reach their goals. I want to know their friends and help throw their parties. And if that means getting my bachelors and two master's degrees in accounting and business, and having both Ray and I work then so be it.

It is my goal to work from home and to help supplement our income to provide for our children. There are days where I just want to give up and quit, but I am constantly reminded by all the awful things I hear that are happening in the world, and I am especially reminded every time I look at my sweet little girl. I will sacrifice a few years in order to help keep my children safe from the onslaught of the world. That is why I am going to school.